Admit that to God and your spouse. Ask forgiveness from your partner and God. Then between the three of you I am certain a solution will present itself. Have you and your spouse come back from marital problems? Please share in the comments below how God gave you victory. I know this type of topic can be very emotional to discuss. If your marriage ended in divorce anyway, please keep your comments spirit filled.
It helps no one to be unkind in a discussion like this. Would you like to get the daily question in your FB messenger? Just click the button below to get started. Christians , Divorce , family , Marriage. David Peach has been in full time missions work with the Deaf since He has started several deaf ministries in various countries and established a deaf church in Mexico. David now works as Director of Deaf Ministries for his mission board. Read them in the archive below. If you like what you're reading, you can get free daily updates through the RSS feed here.
Thanks for stopping by! Is anyone out there after all this time? I am not the author of this fine article but have done marital counseling. Have you spoken with your own pastor about this yet? If so, what did he say? If not, why not? We have an article that is about what are biblical grounds for divorce at this link: I thank you for your response and consider it an answer to my prayer. I do not have a home church therefore not a pastor to speak with at this time.
I appreciate the link. Dear Jennifer, I hope that you have found a home church family. It is hard to stay strong in your faith if you have no Christian fellowship. I feel very lonely myself, and even though I have a church, I have no closeness there, mainly because I am too shy or too stubborn?
Your plea for help intrigues me. Not having all the information about your situation, there seems to be an underlying issue. The sanctity of marriage is not all hearts and flowers. You are reaching out for help, so let it rip.. I am willing to listen. John, thank you for your interest. My husband is not a bad person, he lives for himself, his work, our home and extended families and we have more of a room-mate relationship for most of our eight year marriage.
Jennifer, thank you so much for this very encouraging comment. You have been blessed by God and none of us have any right to cast stones, me above all and if I do, it would have to be aimed at myself.
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My prayers are no better than anyone elses for sure but we do know who deserves all glory for it is in the Mighty Name of which we pray that is glorified and that is Jesus Christ our Lord. Pastor Jack, your prayers mean everything to me! The Lord is my shepherd but sometimes I need a bit of herding here on earth. Therefore, with three marriages, two divorces, four children, two grandchildren, stepchildren ect.. Also many, many women are decieved by so-called Christian men, as husbands, fathers, pastors, employers and so on.
I was a victim numerous times. Praise the Lord who redeems and delivers me on a daily basis. Pastor, you are more of a blessing than you know…. Thank you so much Jennifer. I am sure to see you there. I have read this article and am at a decision point. I have been married to my husband for 17 years, we have two teenage daughters. When we were married, we were both 20 years old with a 1 year old daughter.
I think we were both in love, although now hindsight tells me differently. My husband uses to wreak of smoke early in the marriage, but his father smoked in his home so anyone who visited him would smell that way. Then I discovered that he used marihuana. He hides it, has several people that he buys from, the latest one is a neighbor across the street from us who happens to be a registered sex offender.
This scares me and makes me certain that I must do something. I value my for better, for worse vow, but I have to protect my children. I make 65k and I believe that because I pay for most things, he knows he can spend at least a month on smoking cigarettes and marijuana. This tends to always start disagreements between us, and he will apologize and promise, but then I find leftover remnants or see messages from his dealers.
How do I cope? I love him, but it is hard to focus on moving forward. Hello Wendy…I am glad you love him because love is less a feeling but more about action like Jesus displayed His love for us by dying for us…not by what he felt. As you probably know, there are no biblical grounds here for divorce so let me say this. I would talk to your pastor about what this and wonder if you have talked with him yet or at all. This man sounds like he is not saved, from your description of him and so we should pray for the Holy Spirit to convict him of his sins, to come to repentance, and trust in Christ.
He sounds lost because if you read 1 John chapter 3 I see no evidence of his not continuing in sin and if a person continues in sin and does not stopped, then it appears that he is not saved. I will pray for you and pray that God humbles your husband thru circumstances because God resists the proud and but gives grace only to the humble and by his drug addiction, he is also a law breaker. Live with the end in mind, pray for God to convict and convert his heart Prov That is you right now.
Pastor Wellman, Thank you so much for the quick response. Judging from your questions, there are a few more details that I should have included. We do go to church, my husband now teaches Bible Study. He asked today, just before leaving, why I am unable to support his teaching bible study. He asked, in so many words, if it was because he always lied to me and deceived me by always making promises about his drug usage and irresponsible habits. I said that it was likely that reason, and his reply was that Abraham was a liar too, so would I not listen to his teaching either?
My conscious guides me to do what is right. I mean everything, even marijuana, claiming that it is from the earth and since it is seeded then God says that it is OK. I found that what he said about Abraham being a liar was not true if you read the entire passage, not just the verse about him telling Sarah to claim that she is his sister instead of his wife, because she was indeed his sister.
That is what I fear in him teaching others. I also fear him leading by example even if it is subconscious and unintentional. I have taken your instruction to turn it all over to God. I know that he specializes in miracles, and I believe that these trials are just a test of my faith. Hi, I just stumbled across this website and I am crying out for help! Without getting into a bashing session because my wife and I both have flaws, I am uninvested in this marriage emotionally. My job has me travel from time to time and I cherish those breaks and end up only missing my kids.
I still do for my wife and help all I can but only do it out of obligation instead of love. Most conversations turn to arguments so I limit my speech. My friend, thank you for your open honesty in this comment. My first question is always, have you spoken with your own pastor about this?
If so, what did he say, and if not, why not sir? Would your wife be willing to go to counseling? Also, when was the last time you two, alone, went out for a date? I must tell you that love is less a feeling but more about action like Jesus displayed His love for us by dying for us…not by what he felt. I will pray for you and pray that God enables you to save this marriage for your asking for a divorce twice is not biblical, I am sure you already know this.
God alone knows the future and let me say that every marriage has difficult times. Love is not a feeling but a verb…it is what you do more than what you feel. Love your wife, even though you feel she may not deserve it…. Remember that Jesus did for us while we were still His enemies and gave Himself while we were still sinners Rom 5. Pray about the things you cannot change and then leave the results up to God and rest and trust in Him Psalm You must take responsibility too and not just blame her.
Greetings to you all!
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I am happy to say that with your prayers and advice, I spoke to my wife and we are working through this. It was after taking some serious time to pray that I realized my relationship with God was not secure and I was looking for my wife to fill a void that only God could. Once I realized that, making a mends was truly easy.
Now the road to a successful marriage appears ever more doable. I suppose I needed an outlet to vent my feelings and this ministry gave me that! This is so encouraging my friend. Your situation gives us all hope for a better future, even if its not in this present life. We all need the help of our good God my friend.
I appreciate you sharing this with us. Hope is a good thing and God is always better to us than we deserve. Please can anyone help? We are currently separated not legally, just residentially. We have 2 beautiful boys ages 2 and 4. Because of my husband: Now unemployed with severe medical problems at the age of 32, all I want in the world are my boys. He refuses to admit he needs help. But now there is nothing more I can do. I am a wonderful mother that cherishes my sons. As God is my witness, that is ALL he will do. He screams at them and ignores them.
So why does he insist that he will never let them go?? Please someone help me. Hello Kelly and thank you for your comment and question. I think only God can help in this situation. Have you spoken with your pastor about this yet? What did he say? What did he recommend you do? Churches have deacons and they have resources to help women such as you out in cases like these. I know you are praying every day. These are the times that I feel most helpless as a pastor in giving help to others in cases like this. I see you are already doing what you can and at your wits end.
Please speak with your pastor and let me know what he says and also ask if there is something that the church can do with resources to find financial help for you at this time. I fear for your children and that this man may turn violent so stay separated right now, talk with your pastor, continue to pray, and ask other believers to pray for you and let us know what happens. I know I have been of little help. What else is there do to when we can do no more? I appreciate you more than you can know! Thank you Jesus for Pastor Jack. Kelly, we are praying for you!
Please see your Pastor and ask for guidance. Please, take a breath, reach out to your church now! Thank you Jennifer for your counsel and prayers for Kelly. I am with you for her sake. I thank God for your words and prayers. Jennifer, as I just replied to you wow…the Spirit of God moves to glorify Jesus! To experience the joy that comes with understanding of the word of God, to feel His movements within me for another is a miracle each and every time.
Blessed be the name of the Lord! I have bee married for 7 years. I knew from the beginning the relationship was wrong and now I feel so lost and alone. My husband has a horrible temper and is often verbally abusive but never physically. I am lonely, tired and scared and have no idea where to turn. He attends church with me but is acts different there than at home. He is just mean most of the time.
Please, someone help me! I am so sorry for your being in such a hard place. You must know tht you have no grounds for divorce, right? Imagine if Jesus depended upon His feelings before Calvary…He certainly would not have gone. I feel this man may not be saved. Talk with your pastor about this. Pray for God to grant him repentance that he might be saved for only God can change the human heart Prov Love him unconditionally, like Christ loved us when we were still His enemies and still sinful Rom 5: I feel like I am at the end of my marraige.carlperbeneci.ml/visualization-visualization-techniques-to-achieve-your.php
When God's Answer is Not What We Expected
I have never been someone to even consider divorce but starting to feel like it is the only option. My wife constantly puts me down and has no respect for me. She constantly call me fat and ugly. She frequently slaps me or even punches me in the face. She also shows almost no signs of ever wanting intimacy.
I am by no means perfect and want to work on myself as well. Please pray for me and my complicated marraige. Thank you for your comment. I sounds like you are hurting badly. Have you spoke with your pastor about this? Read 1 John chapter 3 or the whole book of 1 John and see if this woman is saved compared to what you see in her life. When we can do nothing more, God is able to help us by strengthening us.
Please know that I pray for your marriage. If no one has said it to you, please hear now. Men can be and are often victims of abuse. Obviously the verbal abuse is not Christlike and God-willing prayer and love can change that, but the physical abuse is dangerous for both of you and your child. There is no shame in asking for help — it takes a true person of character to seek assistance. I am scared to death. My marriage is falling apart at the seams. My husband and I have been married for a little over 16 years, and about 3 years ago it started to slowly unravel.
We are both Christians, and we have tried everything we know to do. Pray, read His Word, seek Christian counsel at our church, marriage seminars, u name it. We have finally succumbed to living apart. We stayed apart for a few weeks, things got so much better, stayed together again for about a week, and it turned sour again.
We decided to split again today. I know God is always watching. I have never given him a reason to be so controlling. I prayed and prayed for that behavior to settle down and for him to trust me. Now however, it has gone from that extreme to the complete opposite. It changed when I got sick.
I have been thru 5 surgeries on my abdomen, and then after those, I began to have several health problems which basically put me in the bed. I felt bad for not being able to take care of him and our 4 children anymore. He quit giving any affection after our first was born almost 16 years ago. I have yearned for his love and affection, and I yearn to have a happy marriage.
I know that the devil is working his hands in this and it makes him happy to see this. I have turned to God and keep turning to God. So I am asking for prayers that God puts His Healing Hand on our marriage beginning right now — even as we are apart. To please bring us back together, til death do us part. I signed up for this marriage for life, no matter what!
Thank u all so much, and God bless each and every one of you and your marriages even those who have yet to come onto this page yet. God knows who u are! Billings and thank you for your honesty in this comment. Your faith is so strong even admist your terrible situation. You are like a spring flower that is blooming in a wasteland that should not bloom at all but I believe it is because you have a deep, taproot that extends down into the parched, dry land and are taking in from the river of life that is from God alone.
It is women like you and your powerful testimony that give others hope…. I thank God for women of faith like you…. You have my prayers Mrs. Billings but also my admiration because of your deep desire to obey God, rely on Him, not give up and walk away when many, many others would in your case. The Spirit of God is obviously alive and active and working in you. I will pray and desire others who are subscribed to this to pray for this woman for God to keep strengthening her among the many, deep hurts and that God will convict this man of his sinful ways and to return to his love and bride to restore this marriage and for the purpose and glory of Jesus Christ, we all pray and say, amen.
I am scared and feel guilty that my marriage is falling apart. My wife and I have been married for 6 years and now separated for two months now. I try to treat them all the same but it is hard and my wife says she sees the difference, it seems our pasts have collided and caused our separation. I came into our marriage being financially further long and owned a house. I know I have made mistakes protecting myself and my son, my wife feels like I did not put her above my son. I have made decision based on my son and what my ex did to make me feel this way.
We started our marriage based on a foundation of God and I was going to lead the family, but my work rotating shift schedule made it hard, not being able to attend services regularly and I got a little lazy. I should have sold the house and got our own and the living trust should have been updated to our trust even though my wife was named in it. I have asked for forgiveness and tried to repent for my shortcomings, but she is prideful and will nor humble herself.
I know we both have issues we need to work on, because blended families are difficult. We are separately working with a pastor, but getting through each day is tuff. I know in my heart it was for better or worse and I would not walk out on our marriage, I am worried she may not live up to her commitment of better or worse.
I am so sorry Mike. All you can do is to trust God, stay in His Word, stay in prayer, and love her unconditionally like God loves us despite our flaws and sins. Hi, just wondering if anyone is still here. I always swore to myself that when I finally got married it would be for good. I am a mother of 2 and i have been with my husband for 5 years, we have always been a team and loving, caring, and kind to each other. Have you ever spoken with your pastor about this? My husband and I have been married for almost 6 years and have 3 beautiful sons.
I came into marriage with the idea that divorce was not even something to be discussed let alone acted on. We were both Christian who did not drink, sleep around or do drugs so I thought. Before getting married I had never dated or even had a crush on anyone else. I had always thought I would never marry, but at age 23 I met a guy I thought I could not live without.
I got to know who I thought he was and loved him and 2 years later got married for life or so I thought. About 2 months after we wed, I got sick and had to leave the country for medical treatment. During this time I caught him on a dating website. I confronted him and he convinced me it was just for fun, that he was bored without me, but that he would never act on it and I believed him. I got better, praise God, and came back it was nearly a year later though. Anyways long story short 2 years ago a woman met me in the church bathroom during a service on adultery. She said I should talk to my husband.
Again I believed him until the pastor came to our house a few weeks later and he had to give the real story how he had met her on a dating website and told her he was single he went to her place and they had sex on 4 different occasions. He was the one who invited her to church, where, inevitably, she met me. By the time I heard he had already broken it off about 4 months earlier and I was already pregnant with our second born.
I had had no clue. I mean he came home every night, and like to help his buddies by driving them places since they had no car Or so I thought. I decided to follow his online things more closely and found out that before while we were engaged he also had oral sex with another woman.
Anyways, he confessed and said it was all over, he would never do it again which by now, I am kicking myself for believing he and got off the dating website. I forgave him, assuming it was a one time mistake he would never repeat. But I came to find out he had a number of women on tagged and on a fake facebook account.
Just last month I decided I should contact some of these women just to make sure they knew he was married. I put a picture of the 2 of us together with our sons and added some of the women and the comments I got.
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None of them knew he was married, and at least 3 of them said they had met him, 2 even claiming they had had sex without condoms , which my husband is now telling me he told a bunch of them to say that because I should not have been snooping on his fake account. He told them I was a crazy ex trying to get him back. He still will not admit he slept with them, he even swore on the Bible that he did not have sex with these women.
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He says he made a mistake once with that first lady and regrets it every day, which is why he could never have done it again. Would the two of you consider going back for marriage counseling with the pastor? Have you already done this? This man sounds so terribly deceitful and you might tell him that you are about done with him on this marriage and that if anything else like this happens again, then you have biblical grounds for divorce and this means that he will have to legally support you and the children.
From his long years of ongoing adultery, I believe you already have biblical grounds but I am so glad you want to save this marriage. Try to do this. Tell your husband you want to save this marriage but if it ever happens again, this shows that he has never repented and has continued to lie to you and continue in years-on-end adultery and your trust is gone. My husband and I had issues very early in our relationship about sex. It seems that what I had to give was never enough, we argued about sex all the time even into our 2 year of marriage. I was so heart broken but forgave him at least I thought I did.
During our third year of marriage I met an older guy at work who was always making small talk and it developed into flirting. After two weeks of talking to him over the phone I decided to end the emotional affair and confess to my husband. I was mostly victorious with not speaking to the guy at work but I times we exchanged looks and words that was inapropriate and I would sometimes confess those to my husband. He responded by starting sexual text conversation with that same friend. Once I found out, he was upset and finally the daily anxiety drove him insane.
We lived in the house as strangers and I sought comfort in the arms of the man from work. In the end I physically cheated on him, I lied about it at first but then the next day he said the holy spirit revealed to him that I was lying and I told him the truth. Since then we have gone to counseling. He has filed divorce papers but have decided to stay for the kids. Since he has come back home I can say that I am a different person than I was before. The Lord has truly shown me where my priorities have been flipped. I began to love and serve my husband in a way that I never have and desired to.
I have seen my faults and continue to search for them daily. Sadly, my husband has not fully forgiven me, in his hurt and having a hard heart he has also become a new person but in a negative way. He is having a hard time doing some of the things that the article stated and I try my best to encourage him in the Lord. Our conversations stays around 1 and 2.
He said that although he has ground for divorce he feels that God is not telling him to leave, especially since this would be his 2 divorce. I feel like we are roommates and I also feel some of the same negative emotions that I felt in the beginning of our marriage are coming back. So I am asking for your prayers that I stay strong in the Lord and realize that my relationship with Christ is vital and should be the reason for all my decisions and keeping myself pure for the sake of Christ. Sorry this story is so long. May God bless you, thank you in advance for your prayers. Praying for sure my friend.
I believe many others are still active on this article and I pray they can join with us my friend. My entire childhood I was raised unbalanced. Had a great mother but a bad father who taught me drunk, abuse, adultery, and having kids in bunches. He left us when I was in early teens. I was never taught to be a good dad, husband, or man.
Needless to say, what he did show me was all I knew. For many years I was a bad husband and an Ok dad. I drank, partied, lied and committed adultery. My wife was a Christian way before me and for a couple years she prayed for me that I would change. So I took it upon myself to change. I stopped drinking, stopped going out with single friends, stopped video games which took up my time and made me angry, and kept focus on her only.
While I did all that, she started an affair with another married man. I was so shocked and hurt because I never thought she was capable. We argued of course. After thinking the rest of that day, I decided to get past it since I had put her through so much. We started counseling and going to church. Church was going so good that after a few counseling sessions we decided to stop going there and stick with church.
Argued and she got mad that I invaded her privacy for going through her phone. I had gut feelings and I had to check.
She we kept working at it. Still going to church, I gave my life to Jesus late spring. I prayed and prayed for us. She always threw that in my face, the past this, the past that. But ok… Kept working for the marriage. The gut feelings never stopped. At a different time, underwear. She tried to deny for a little bit but gave in shortly after. Still threw my past at me. I called her in anger and jealousy and all she would say is leave her alone to think and pray.
I was so sure she met up with the guy again. She got home and saw me filling out the papers and went to bed. The next day she wants to work at it and she has a new motto about love and faith and all that. About a week later, I caught her again. Was out of town. Came home early and got there at a perfect time. Door was locked so I had to wait for her to open. She took longer than usual. I hear a noise on the other side and when I went around, he was already running off.
I went inside and she was half dressed but said they were just talking it was midnight. I saw an unopened plan b on the counter. Went to church alone the following day. That Monday I filed for divorce. A week later I filed a waiver. The next day she came to me crying. She looked sorry and she apologized. But she said her feelings for me were gone and she wished they would return.
I said, in God we must trust and he will restore us. We reconciled… For a few days. She started acting with a hardened heart again. Less frequent, but she never dropped him from her life. My pastor told me the same as you are saying to the people… Pray for both. Pray that we work it out. I did and alot of it. But we grew apart. For over half a year I have been living in agony and torture. For 2 weeks I have been in peace. In 2 weeks we will legally be able to divorce, and I know deep in my heart that they have something planned as it seems his marriage is over too.
And me, I pray for strength everyday. And I feel better when i believe that God had someone better for me. I even called him to let it all out. I felt better after. And then I forgave him. And I asked for forgiveness for blaming him. Sometimes I wonder if these events are a blessing in disguise. Once a bad person, I did a degree turn with my life with the help of God and now all I want to do is love someone completely and genuinely, and have someone to do the same for me. She wants to stay in this area… Hmm?!?!
Your ability to put into words the suffering of your family is quite remarkable and my heart goes out to you at this confusing, life changing time. Be assured that God makes everything for the good of His people and with Him you are strengthened, upheld by His mighty presence. No matter what happens! I have been married to my husband for 9 years and we have two kids together. The things this man have put me through has turned me into someone I hate. My husband has no sympathy, empathy, lies, cheat and try to manipulate me. During our marriage my husband cheated at least 3 times.
My husband only cares about his male friends who drink, go to clubs and cheat on their wives as well. My husband has no respect for me what so ever. My husband cheats on me while I was pregnant and going through cancer treatment. He never went to the hospital with me once for support. After a week of separation, we decide to go to counseling. Now he stop going to counseling. The worst is that he still goes to church.
My husband never spend time with me or the kids. Never do anything as family. Have you spoken with your pastor? Talk to him too. Since you still go to church together tell your pastor about this! Call him and tell him. I fear this man will face a terrible eternity Rev I realized this the other day and thought, surely, now I would be justified in leaving.
BTW, I have belonged to this narcissistic one on one cult for 30 years. This man sounds like he has never been saved and changed. Why have you disbelieved in Jesus? Are you ready to walk away for eternal life? If not, why not talk with him today. What cult is this you are in? Have you yourself ever been born again? If you have never repented and trusted in Christ then you may face the same fate as your husband. Please let me know. This is eternally important.
I have no church, I have no pastor, the cult I am in is a one-on-one cult: If I go down a checklist of traits of a cult leader I can check each one off for him. I am so sorry. Can you not get out of this cult? Are you being held against your will? Can you not walk away? It sounds like they are trying to control or brain-wash you. What holds us against our will?
The fact that he can be very persuasive with charm and or threats as needed? What if my children would be better off if I stayed? What if my leaving caused our business to fail and the young men who depend on us for their livelihood were out of jobs? But what if he is right and I am just not smart enough to understand? What if I am just a woman living on my emotions? My wife and I have been married for nearly 18 years.
We dated for five years before that. I love her with every part of my being. Through our married lives we have had battles that we faced and they made us stronger when we overcame them. I have dealt with pornography and I have cheated on my wife. Six years ago while we were going through a tough time, our pastor prayed with us and for the first time I realized that I had never really asked God to forgive me.
As i prayed and wept like a baby I felt God take those sins away and that addiction. I have not fallen back into them since then. Our marriage began to blossom, and there were times when we disagreed and went through spells, but nothing like we had gone through before. In November of I began to flirt with another girl. The devil snuck in and trapped me, before long our flirting through text messages began to get a little more than flirting. When she asked me one night to come meet her, i said No. She got mad and the following Monday she told my wife. Since that day on December 1st , my marriage has been lost.
My wife immediately went and filed for divorce. She says she has no intentions of reconciliation. On December the 29th while I was in prayer God finally showed me what had held me back all these years. While I prayed and cried He took that sexual sin out of me and for the first time in 41 years I am free. He filled that void with a love that I have never experienced, and I want to share it with my wife so badly.
When we are alone, which in rarely, we talk and are open and honest, I have no secrets any more. You never thought divorce would happen to you. You may feel traumatized, relieved, hopeful, afraid, or all of the above. What choices will help you heal? How can you learn from your mistakes instead of repeating them? And where is God in all of this? Michelle and Connie have been where you are. Michelle was divorced seven years and now is happily remarried. Connie is ten years into the journey and at peace with being single.
In this book they rally their collective experience to help you navigate some of the twists and turns of the post-divorce journey, avoid pitfalls, and emerge stronger and more confident. We realize acceptance is a process. So what are some steps to begin the acceptance process? Am I l iving in the past? Lord, help me accept the things I cannot change. Did you pray that Acceptance Prayer?
Go pray that again, slowly, my friend. I know I need to, as well. God wants us to be healed and whole and moving forward in our lives past rejection, abandonment, pain, and bitterness.
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